Focus, damn you, change

Do you enjoy transitions in your life? Do you feel their heft, resist them, then embrace?

At the start of this week, my last night in Amsterdam brought hours of fidgety insomnia. I couldn’t understand why, for I’d slept so well the other Amsterdam nights, as if rescued from normal pressures by escaping. I recalled Marina Benjamin, author of Insomnia, a book that has affected me greatly, talking in a book reading about turning the usual view of insomnia as a vile absence into something of a presence, a time for “interrogating and exploring.” So I did my best to just tolerate the fidgetiness and in the morning we shifted towns and I hung on and then, knowing a change was needed, in new cafe, a new town, new air, new light, new mind … I got really cracking on what I’m meant to do here. I have changed.

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